מה אתם חושבים על השיר שכתבתי?

זה השיר הראשון שלי והוא עוד לא ממש גמור או מושלם אבל מה אתם חושבים? תאמרו גם אם זה גרוע רצח( תנסו להתעלם אם יש טעויות כתיב)

this is our world
we do as were told
we never go back
just keep on your hold

keep on trying
just keep on shining
dont be shy, you will get high
you will get to the stars
you will see mars

i want to fly in the sky
i want to swim in the sea
i dont want to be in the side
i will never hide from the fear
i know it's here
i know it's there
but i dont care

I keep running but there's always hole
thats making me fall
Sometimes I'm tired
But I'm not a coward
i will always get up
i will stay sharp